[Starting off mostly calm, and gradually getting quicker and more distressed and incoherent] I've... I've like, known how I feel for a long time, Liet. Even though everyone says--everyone at home says it's wrong, I've known it's there for years, and nothing makes it go away, so I thought I'd just... just like, not say anything about it, you know, keep it quiet and ignore it and just be happy to be near you, and I was, I totally was, but then we came here, and--and Pakistan, and--and I was so jealous, Liet, you totally have no idea, and I didn't mean to lie to you about Wolfram but I was scared that if I told you he wasn't really my girlfriend you'd figure out the rest of it and flip, and I shouldn't have talked to anyone about it, but I'm totally not used to hiding stuff from my friends and I have friends besides you here and--and they all act like it's all totally okay, not just Wolfram, but like, Elaine, and people who I know are Christian, you know, like they did with the dresses, they're just totally all "It's no big deal, God doesn't really mind, do what makes you happy if it doesn't hurt anyone" and stuff and I seriously don't know what to think anymore, but--
It was so easy to pretend I had everything I wanted before, not to let myself want anything more, because I was so sure it was wrong, and now I'm just not sure anymore, and it hurt so much to see you with her and always be thinking maybe it doesn't really have to be like this, and--and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you and I didn't mean to--to feel this way, and I don't want to lose you and I don't know what to do...!
[...Yeah, he's pretty close to hysterical by the end of that.]
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branchandroot
[Action]
Date: 2010-04-18 07:54 pm (UTC)[Starting off mostly calm, and gradually getting quicker and more distressed and incoherent] I've... I've like, known how I feel for a long time, Liet. Even though everyone says--everyone at home says it's wrong, I've known it's there for years, and nothing makes it go away, so I thought I'd just... just like, not say anything about it, you know, keep it quiet and ignore it and just be happy to be near you, and I was, I totally was, but then we came here, and--and Pakistan, and--and I was so jealous, Liet, you totally have no idea, and I didn't mean to lie to you about Wolfram but I was scared that if I told you he wasn't really my girlfriend you'd figure out the rest of it and flip, and I shouldn't have talked to anyone about it, but I'm totally not used to hiding stuff from my friends and I have friends besides you here and--and they all act like it's all totally okay, not just Wolfram, but like, Elaine, and people who I know are Christian, you know, like they did with the dresses, they're just totally all "It's no big deal, God doesn't really mind, do what makes you happy if it doesn't hurt anyone" and stuff and I seriously don't know what to think anymore, but--
It was so easy to pretend I had everything I wanted before, not to let myself want anything more, because I was so sure it was wrong, and now I'm just not sure anymore, and it hurt so much to see you with her and always be thinking maybe it doesn't really have to be like this, and--and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you and I didn't mean to--to feel this way, and I don't want to lose you and I don't know what to do...!
[...Yeah, he's pretty close to hysterical by the end of that.]