cautious_knight | voice; after the end of the event

voice; after the end of the event

[There's shuffling, and Lithuania's voice sounds hoarse when he speaks, not strong or happy or caring or sad as normally... Not eternally nervous like it will be much later in his live, or really scared, but there definitely is a hint of broken-ess in his tone.

Everyone is free to have noticed that Lithuania wasn't around at all after the first day, and Poland will have noticed that his partner has neither said much nor reacted to much at all after that. Everyone has different ways to deal with fear, and Lithuania's problem was that the fear had no obvious source.]

I'm sorry.

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[It took him a little while to come home after the event ended, because he spent the whole time trying to deal with the problems he could see, like Lamb being crazy and Elaine blowing herself up. Towards the end, he finally started to hit his limit, couldn't just push the fear aside anymore, tried to get out, and had a bit of a freakout when he couldn't. When the sun rose and the screaming stopped and the veil and the blind panic were gone, he went outside, had a walk to calm himself down, fed the horses and gave them attention until they stopped freaking out. Feeling a little better, if no less exhausted, he came home to find Liet still awake, with his communicator.]

[Not saying anything, he goes to his side, sits down, and takes his hand]

Like, what for?

[Curled up at in the far end of their bed, one blanket drawn over himself loosely, a pillow next to his head as if it was only removed to make him able to speak. He hasn't eaten or slept since the first night of the event, and it shows.]

I shouldn't... I let everyone down.

[Are you going to make Poland put on his srsface?]

It was like, an event, Liet. It's not like any of us could have stopped it.

[Gently, he reaches down to rub his back]

But through all the events... They get easier because we aren't alone, because everyone helps each other. I should have pulled myself together and have done just that.

[Not pulling back, but not reacting to the touch, either.]

[Keeps rubbing softly, reaching with his free hand to brush Liet's hair away from his face]

Yeah, well, I'm totally sure you would have if you had control of that. You didn't. We aren't God, Liet. It's majorly vain to act like we should be able to control everything. So it's like, not your fault...

[He speaks in a hushed, gentle voice, the way his priests always spoke to him when he was small.]

[He averts his eyes, shaking his head which makes his bangs fall into his face and cover his eyes again.]

I should... I wasn't hurt, or feverish, or too weak to move...

[Still rubbing, because it makes him feel better, s-so maybe it will help Liet...]

Oh, whatever. You were hurt. We all were. You were like, hurt... [Puts his hand over Liet's heart] ...right here. 'Cause you felt like you couldn't do anything. Right?

I...

[shakes his head again, but finally looking up. His eyes still look as haunted as they probably have the last days. It's even harder to deal with the consequences of the fear, than with the fear itself.]

I've never been so scared. Never. None of the times when I was attacked, and I thought that I would vanish, not when I thought that my people would fall apart for good, or you were missing. Never.

[Nods, with a grim, exhausted smile, and strokes Liet's cheek affectionately]

Like, not in the civil wars, or the famines, or when that total ass Mongolia got all the way to my place, or like, the time when we got here and you got hurt and wouldn't wake up. I totally know.

That fear totally isn't us. It's like, the mansion trying to get to us.

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